Sunday, February 20, 2011

February 20, 2011

My 365...

Happy Sunday.  :)

I am enjoying a nice quiet Sunday, just Miss Lilly and I. The boys are enjoying a game in the other room, and Jack is working. Garrett came by to say hello this morning, which was nice.

Today has been a better day. It is still gray and cold outside with intermittent drizzle and snow. The perfect day to relax, and read a good book. I am trying to do just that.

No bad dreams last night, which was good. I woke feeling rested, and a little better physically as well. The meds are slowly doing their job. I was reminded this weekend how much stress plays a factor in how I feel and how the RA works on my body. It is so important to keep my stress levels down so that my body can work with me instead of against me.

As I watched the boys interact with each other this weekend, I also came to another realization. Blake's heart is hurting a lot more than I thought. When things are good, Blake is great. If things are not so good, Blake gets VERY angry. I am not just talking about a gentle temper tantrum. I am talking about throwing things, shaking his fists angry and more often than not, he takes it out on me. I am a very patient mom, and 90 percent of the time I know that I have to listen, remain calm, and ride it out. In a matter of minutes, he runs into my arms for a great big hug and an exhale, then he is off to play some more and all is right with the world. The other 10 percent of the time, I am stressed or tired and demand he go to "time out", and stay there until he is ready to behave again. I know this only makes him angrier, but I am human and sometimes hurting too much to take a pounding from a 9 year old.

We talked last night and I asked him how his heart was feeling, and he made it very clear that he misses his brother and bother's girlfriend Amber, and he does not understand why he has not been invited to meet his very first nephew Cooper. He hates what his sister has done to this family, and he hates that he doesn't feel the same way about her as he always has. He hates that his father does not get him, and does not think he ever will.

I wanted to cry.

I asked him if I could take him to visit Casey's therapist? "No way mom! I am not going to tell a stranger my personal feelings, that is just weird!" I told him I understand completely, because I feel the same way, but if we talk to someone like a therapist, they can help us understand the things we don't. And that can be a very cool thing. He told me he would think about it.

Last year was very hard on all of us, but it was particularly hard on Blake because he did not understand what he had done so terribly wrong that would cause some of the most important people in his life to go away. This made it so very difficult for him to be in school. He always talked about bullies, and would come home almost every day tied up in knots over the happenings of the day. Or he would refuse to go to school at all, and mornings were a constant battle that became so difficult for me as instinctively my heart wanted to keep him home and safe where he belonged. This is why I chose to home school him. I have been home schooling Casey for a while, and it has worked out very well so why not add Blake to the mix?

It has been a very good year for him, and we have been talking about next year and he thinks he may want to go back to mainstream school. Blake is a very social young man, and as much as I have loved teaching him at home, I would like to see him back in school so that he can become more involved with children his own age. I also think now is the perfect time to see a therapist to help him process all that he has gone through this past year...and to help him manage that passionate temper of his! Above all, I want my boys to be happy, and to have all the tools they need to succeed in life. I love them so much.

My photo of the day,
She sits in waiting...

The weather has been pretty miserable this weekend, so I have not had the opportunity to check out my new ride.  Not only the weather, but the RA flare I have been experiencing has made me a little nervous about too much exercise.  I have a doctor's appointment this Wednesday, and I am hoping that the weather will clear and my RA flare will be quieted.  Time to chase this beast back to where it came from!

Music I am listening to today, Michael McDonald.  I LOVE his Motown music.  :)

Have a great Monday world.

Until next time...


Welcome to Mommy plus Five

I am a work from home mom of five amazing children, and five beautiful grandchildren. Enjoying my 50's and all that life has to offer.

Time to start a new 365.

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