Saturday, February 19, 2011

February 19, 2011

My 365...

Gray skies don't have to mean a gray heart.  :)

(Is it g-r-a-y or g-r-e-y?  Gray is a color, grey is a colour. Very well, gray it is.)  It is snowing today, that makes me happy. 

 I woke up this morning after having had yet another strange dream, feeling like there was an elephant sitting on my chest.  What the hell?  I got out of bed, and realized not only did the elephant not move, but he was now perched comfortably on my back, all 20 tons of him.  My RA is flaring and everything hurts.  Damn RA.  So it took a few minutes to get moving.  One small step at a time....

I let the dogs out, then proceeded into the kitchen for some coffee and weekly poison.  I love Saturdays, but they are also my methotrexate/Enbrel day.  How drugs so amazingly affective on RA, can knock the wind so completely out of ones sails is beyond me.  But hey, I thankful for them.  I will feel better tomorrow.  :)

My kitchen, that I left gloriously sparkling clean last night, was an utter disaster.

"Dear Boys,

Mama loves you so much.  However, please do not leave the kitchen looking as if you had every kid within a five mile radius over last night for a snack and a wild party!"

Oh my boys, gotta love em.  Every kitchen cabinet door open, every pot and pan on the stove with the remnants of a midnight gourmet meal, and dishes all over the place!  I am so happy they had fun, but mama has some serious training to do!

It took me about 30 minutes to work my magic on the kitchen.  I could have gotten the boys up to do it, but then I would not have enjoyed a quiet Saturday morning.  You see there is method to my madness.  I started a load of laundry, fed the dogs, made the bed, and settled in for some Jazz music and warm coffee.

Damn elephant still sitting on my chest.

Then I realized why I am feeling so drained, stressed, tired, and in pain.  It is February.  February has a lot of anniversaries.  Some are wonderful, some are exciting, others sad, and not so great.

February 2 - My 26th wedding anniversary.

February 6 - the birth of my awesome son, child number 4, Case

February 8 - My first RA symptoms, and the 16th anniversary of the day my health went to hell in a hand basket. Just 36 hours after the birth of Casey.

February 14 - Valentine's Day, and this year the one year anniversary of the weekend my relationship with my daughter began to unravel.

February 15 - the 16th year anniversary of the day I quit the main stream work force, and went into business for myself.  Yay me!

February 24, 2007, the day I lost the most precious human being in my mom.

It was also in February of last year that was the last time I have seen and hugged my middle child, my number 2 son.  We have passed a few emails back and forth, spoken on the phone maybe two times?  He has since become a father, and I miss him SO much it hurts.

This must explain the elephant.

Blake and Casey have been feeling my stress and I was not even aware it was that obvious.  Casey is very close to me, always has been, but in the last few days he rarely leaves my side.

Last night I wanted to sit alone and watch a movie and was so frustrated because Blake had to be sitting on my lap or next to me.  He has been that way for weeks, and now I know why.

I finally agreed to let him sit with me and watch a movie, and he got a blanket because he was cold.  He put the blanket around his shoulders, then wrapped his arms around my neck to share the warmth.  He kissed my cheek what felt like a million times and kept whispering..."I love you soooo much mommy."

Wow, how did I get so lucky?

My life has had its fair share of drama, angst, pain and disappointment, but I feel like the most loved and blessed human being on the planet having my three boys love me so much.  No matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter where I fall short...they always love me and I know they always will.

Garrett even stopped by for a visit just now, and sat to chat for a while.  I feel so much better now.  :)

Music I am listening to today, Steve Cole.

Until next time... 


Welcome to Mommy plus Five

I am a work from home mom of five amazing children, and five beautiful grandchildren. Enjoying my 50's and all that life has to offer.

Time to start a new 365.

Thank you for stopping by! :)

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