Mommy plus Five

Thank you for the memories February!

It has been a very emotional month, with good anniversaries and bad ones.  But thanks to my son Brandon and his girlfriend Amber, it is a month I will never forget!
Welcome to March!  And please, be gentle with us.  :)

Doggy Daily for February 28, 2011

Uhmmm, excuse me Ducati, is that my chair you are sitting in?

"Yes madam, just keeping it warm for you."

:)

My 365...

Blake is so excited today!  He gets to go spend the evening with Brandon, Amber and baby Cooper.  He could hardly sleep last night just thinking about it.  He loves spending time with Amber and Brandon, and has missed them so much.

And today is the last day of February, and I am looking forward to an amazing March.  I certainly think as a family, we have started out on the right foot.  Thank God for that.

Hope your Monday is going great!

Music I am listening to today, Chris Isaak.

Until next time...

Doggy Daily for February 27, 2011

"Hi grandma, got any snacks for me?"




Garrett and Supra came over after an afternoon at the dog park.  Supra stands as tall as my bike!  Such a huge sweet dog he is.  :)

I rode a bike!  I think the last time I rode a bike was about 30 years ago.  I did great too!  It was a clear evening, sun shinning, but it was only about 39 degrees outside.  Yes, it was a bit chilly, but I did it and I had so much fun.




When we got home, everyone was complaining but mom.  "Oh I am so tired!"  "Oh I am so thirsty!"  "My hands are frozen!"  and on...and on...and on....lol  To them I say "whimps!"  In a loving way of course.

I am just happy I was able to ride without falling down.  It was great fun, and when we got home Blake asked me to prepare spaghetti tacos for dinner.  Yes, you read that right, "spaghetti" tacos.  I thought he was kidding, but that is exactly what he wanted.  I made some spaghetti, he loaded some into a corn tortilla shell and ate it like a taco.  It looked quite yummy!  My silly boy.  :)

Now I need to get a camera mount for my bike handles, a basket for Miss Lilly, and I am ready to ride!

My 365...

This weekend has been one of the single most amazing weekends of my life. Not only because I reunited with my son Brandon, and his girlfriend Amber, although that was MOST epic!!! Not only because I got to meet my very first grandchild who is without question the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen since I held my boys in my arms, again one of the single most awesome milestones of my life. It has been amazing because I realized that I can let go of worrying about my son.

In many ways I have felt like my life is on hold until I know my babies are grown and in families of their own. I have not worried about Garrett for several years now. He has his own home that he loves, he supports himself and lives his life the way he wants to and I know he is happy. Then I look at Brandon and see the man he has become, and see how much he loves Amber and his son and he is taking care of himself...I no longer have to worry. I am so proud of both of them.

My daughter removed herself from my life, so I had no choice but to let go. I would love to say I am proud of the women she has become, but I do not know who that woman is? I honestly do not know anything about her life or the man she married.  I thought I did, but I could not have been more wrong unfortunately.  I may never know them, and not because I don't want to, but because that is what she wants. She insists that I was the worst mother in the world, that I ruined her life.  No, not true, you are the captain of your own life not me.  "Mommy Dearest" is not a hat that I can wear, I happen to think...know...that I am an amazing mom.

So that leaves two. Casey has definite plans, and he knows where he wants to be in life so I know he will be fine. Blake is only 9, but such a loving, smart and amazing young boy who I know will grow into an amazing man just like his brothers. How cool is that? Yay mom!

I was listening to an amazing speaker this weekend, and she said...

"There are people who have been pissed off since they came out of the womb.They marinated in pistosity. That is where it all started, pistosity! Stop spending so much time worrying about why you went through what you went through because you start giving it more value than what it is worthy of and you stop trying to do what you were meant to do with your life because you spend too much time worrying about what happened."

Oh my God, so true!

There are two people in my life like this. Pissed off at the world since birth. They go through life moaning and groaning about how the world has done them wrong and that is the only thing they accomplish in life. And I say to them STOP. Nothing happened in your life to determine the person you have become today. YOU and you alone determine your outcome in life. You may scream to the world that your life is perfect, but believe me, those around you see a very different you. If you were truly happy with your life, you would not go through your day to day existence being so mad at the world. Calling people in your life a waste of space. That only sheds light on how unhappy YOU are. And I say to you, let it go!

Today will be over at midnight, and that is another day gone that you can not get back. Time slows down for no one. Stop wasting it being mad at the world.

*exhale*

My photo of the day...Gifts from Blake.  He found these in a gum ball machine at the grocery store by our house.  He has decided that he must have all of them for Amber, and all of them for me.

 How can one look into his beautiful blue eyes and not believe in a greater power?

Blake wants everyone to be happy, and he knows how to love.  So blessed I am.  This mama is so blessed.  :)

Music I am listening to today, Sasha Dobson.

Until next time...

Doggy Daily for February 26, 2011

Delightful Diva expressions...

Love her!  :)

My 365...

We woke to a beautiful day, clear blue skies and sun shining bright.  The boys wanted to go bike riding saying "the weather is perfect!"  I did a quick check of the temperature to discover that it is only 29 degrees outside.  We would end up a family of Popsicles if we tried bike riding in this weather.  Hopefully it will be a warmer day tomorrow.  It does look to be a perfect day, but looks can be deceiving.  Blake went outside to have a run with Dozer and he lasted all of five minutes.  "Darn, it is freezing outside!"

Looks like our adventures will have to be inside ones.

My photo of the day, Blake enjoying a game of Minecraft.  Such a simple game, but the boys really enjoy it.

They would prefer outdoor adventures, but it is just too cold!

My heart is still smiling from seeing Brandon and Amber yesterday, and getting to meet my first grandchild Cooper.  Such a sweet, perfect and happy little baby, and it felt amazing to hug my son after a long hard year.  I have missed them so much!!
Sweet little Cooper feet left footprints all over our hearts.  :)  I am looking forward to seeing them again, and so thankful to have them back in my life.  I am so very proud of the parents that Brandon and Amber have become.  So proud!  And I had faith that Brandon would be back.  I love him so much, and Amber too.  It has been a difficult year for all of us, and I know they have struggled a lot.  Despite all the growing pains, I think they know that my love for them has never been greater. Blake, Casey and Garrett love them so much as well.  It warmed my heart seeing Garrett and Blake hold Cooper and seeing them in awe of the perfect little miracle that Cooper is.  I had to laugh when we tried to get Casey to hold him.  In typical teenage fashion he freaked.  lol

I am proud of me as a mom too.  :)

Enjoy your weekend!

Music I am listening to today, Norah Jones.

Until next time...

I take back what I said about February being a bad month...mine is ending on a perfect note!

I got to hug my son Brandon, Amber and meet my first grandchild Cooper.

And he smiled for grandma V.  :)

Very proud uncle Blake.


Thank you God!!

Doggy Daily for February 25, 2011

"Woohoo snow!"
 "See-ya, I am going to go roll in the snow!"

My 365...


Good Friday Morning world. :)


Yay, it is the weekend!  This week went by so fast as it was a short one, but I did accomplished a lot, and I am looking forward to a nice s l o w weekend.


We woke to a little snow on the ground this morning...

Lilly was not thrilled. Snow is too cold on her little paws.

I am feeling a little better today. It has been a very emotional week for me, and I found myself crying at the drop of a dime sometimes not even sure why I was crying at all. I think I drove the boys a little nuts. Poor babies, I can not stand it when they worry.  I am all cried out!  I don't think I could shed a tear now even if my life depended on it...there are none left.

Maybe I just need one month of the year to get out all the stress and sadness, then the rest of the year I can use all my energy to celebrate life and my children with no worries in the world.  That is certainly more my style.  That means only three days left to my emotional roller coaster, then I can let it all go....

Music I am listening to today...Justin Bieber.  Yes, I am a fan, and I LOVE his song Pray, and his
My Worlds Acoustic CD.

Have a listen, it is a great song...


Have a great weekend everyone.

Until next time...

Doggy Daily for February 24, 2011

A visit with Supra the wonder dog!

We drove to Garrett's house to let Supra out for a run.  Blake had a lot of fun with him.  :)

My 365...

Heart shaped marshmallows.

I am not a fan of marshmallows, but these made me smile.  Blake just got back from the grocery store with his father and thought these would cheer me up.  Thank you baby, they did just that!  :)

Music I am listening to today, Brad Paisley.

Until next time...

It was four years ago today that I was forced to say goodbye to someone I would never EVER want to say goodbye to. My mom, my hero, my best friend. It is not fair that she is not here with me when I need her the most...or is she?

I think mom is here with me in my instinct as a mother, my warmth as a human being. my patience as a teacher, and my courage in the fight with the disease that she suffered with for over 30 years.

I did not travel to Texas to say goodbye to mom because I have never been ready to let her go. I could come up with many logical excuses as to why I was not there with her, but none would be as real to me as simply not wanting to say goodbye. Not many people understand that, and to them I say "I could care less what you think."

Mom and I did not always agree. Many times I was so angry with her for not protecting me from the wrath of my father, so many times I judged her decisions and I did not understand her, but I never EVER stopped loving and respecting her because she was my mom. She did not always know best, she could be stubborn at times and difficult to understand, but she loved me and I loved her. A few thousand miles between us did not change that at all. If anything, it made our relationship stronger.

Just before she slipped into her final sleep, I was able to talk to her on the telephone. She told me that she loved me, and that she would never give up. "I will never give up!" She was not ready to say goodbye. I was not ready to say goodbye, but life had other plans. I knew mom was suffering, she could barely move or take a breath without excruciating pain, however she knew her work here on earth was not done. So much drama, so much angst, so many issues yet unresolved but no one understood that. No one could see that. Mom did not have the choice. WE do not have a choice. Death comes when it is ready, and if you are not ready...too bad.

Life was that way for mom. She was not ready to say goodbye to her own mother...too bad. Life with my father was not easy...too bad. The pain and suffering of RA was not her choice...too bad. She was not ready to retire from her teaching career that she loved SO much...too bad. She did not want me to move my family 2000 miles away...too bad. I am sorry mom, I know that broke your heart but breaking your heart was not my intention.

Perhaps that is the greatest lesson that mom leaves us with.  Death will come when you least expect it.  Ready or not makes no damn difference.  You MUST live each day, and love the people in your life so completely as if it were your last chance to do so.  You may not get a second chance.

Life is what it is. Experiences, problems, tragedies come and go at their will and we have no say in the matter. What we do have say in is how we are going to deal. I am still trying to figure all of that out. Hopefully I will have the time, the intelligence and the patience to make the right choices when it comes to my life. Hopefully I can close my eyes, look deep within my heart and ask "what would mom do?", and be able to hear that answer.

"God bless you mom, I love you!"


Arthritis Foundation