Sunday, November 28, 2010

November 28, 2010

My 365...

I am feeling amazing today!  Last night, it was hard to sleep, but when I finally went to sleep, I had the best dreams.  Dreams, messages, subconscious screaming at me this blur of ideas and "light bulb" moments.  It was so bizarre, and I woke up completely exhausted....but with the most clarity I have had in a very long time.

The most important message I remember was that I do not have to constantly be moving at 100 miles per hour.  Four part time jobs, home schooling, 20 hours a week of classes for another project, it is completely insane and I have to stop trying to do it all.  I need to work, so I can keep the most lucrative and flexible jobs, but drop the class, drop one of the current projects, and concentrate on being a mom and learning coach for the boys and still leave time for me to breathe rather than sleeping 4 hours every two days.  It has gotten completely out of hand and most definitely taking its toll on all of us.  Casey and Blake are amazing, creative, funny and loving young men, I need to STOP and spend more time celebrating them rather than running myself absolutely ragged.

Another message was that I have to stop carrying the burden of trying to resolve all of my problems yesterday.  I have to give it my best shot, then step back and relax.  Getting worked up, hurt, angry and frustrated resolves nothing!  Playing stupid games and participating in unproductive emotional tug-o-war is a ridiculous waste of time.  My family is real, we are not delusional nor have we ever been.  We love what we have.  It is warm, it is sincere, it is full of challenges and the need for extreme patience but it is beautiful and I am very proud of us!  My children who choose to remain on the outside, so be it.  I have said it once, I have said it a million times, the front door is open, we love you, I love you, but I am not to blame for your emotional baggage.  You choose to carry it and it closes you off, but that is your choice not mine.

It is much easier to open and walk through any door when you put the baggage down...and your hands are free.  I am putting the baggage down, and the feeling is amazing.  You should give it a try.

I am SO thankful for the messages, so thank you God.  :)

Until next time...


Welcome to Mommy plus Five

I am a work from home mom of five amazing children, and five beautiful grandchildren. Enjoying my 50's and all that life has to offer.

Time to start a new 365.

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