Friday, November 26, 2010

November 26, 2010

My 365...

I have been really sad today. :( I woke up this morning and realized it would have been my mom's 80th birthday. I miss her so much, and know that with her here still in my life, so many things would be different. At least I know that with all the pain and sadness I have experienced this past year, she would at least have been there for me with kind words of wisdom and so much love. My mom was my hero. She lived with the same disease I am fighting now for as long as I can remember, and she did so with courage and grace. Because of her, I have never let my illness get me down. Thank you mom! And I hope the cake in heaven was delightful. Love and hugs to you from down here in life, and make sure daddy does not eat too much cake. :*)

Last night was an extremely stressful night for me. My oldest son had decided to drive up to Sun Valley to take care of some personal business, and he left just after 6pm. With the snow, ice and low temperatures, it would be a dangerous and treacherous proposition up in the mountains, but it is not like I can tell my 22 year old son, "No, you can't go." So I gave him a great big hug and kiss, said "I love you", please call me when you arrive, and when you leave for home so I can make sure you are safe, and for God's sake, please wear your seat belt!

He did arrive safely, and called me when he arrived.  Then he sent me a text to let me know he was leaving to come home shortly after midnight.  With a 2 - 3 hour drive time, I knew he would be within cell signal or at least close to home by 3am at the latest.  But no.  I tried calling him until almost 5am, and it went to voice mail every time.  Needless to say I was frantic beyond words.  He finally called just after 6am, he was back in town, cell phone was dead, and his truck had broken down.  :(  The personal business he had to attend to was SO not worth the danger he put himself in.  I was happy to hear from him, and so angry with him at the same time.  I have enough gray hair son...mama does not need any more!

What is the moral of this story?  For me it brought home the fact that life in this world is completely unpredictable.  You can be here one minute, and by some freak act of nature, drive or slide your truck off of a cliff in snow and zero degree temperatures, and never be seen again.  No chance to say I am sorry to all the people you have wronged, no chance to say I love you to everyone who has touched and warmed your heart, no chance to say "Thank You" to all the people who have been there for you, and made life such a wonderful thing.  In a split second, it is over and done.  *sigh*

So what is a mother to do?  This morning I told my friends that I was thankful that God blessed me with a great sense of humor.  Dealing with the young adults in my life would otherwise have me in a deep depression, or taking a very long walk off of a very short pier. They have lost sight of what is precious in life.  They believe they are indestructible, and life is one big party or video game and there is plenty of time to do things right...later.  What they don't realize is that it is very possible that "later" will never come.  Then what?

"Do I laugh? Do I cry?" Last night I chose tears.  Tears because I was worried sick about Garrett, tears because I am so angry with the person causing him all this stress, tears because my son Brandon, nor my daughter Meagan took two seconds out of their busy life to wish their own family a Happy Thanksgiving.  That not only hurt me very deeply, but hurt their little brothers very deeply as well.  But I also know that carrying around baggage filled with anger, hate, hurt, stress, confusion, animosity or anything else negative, takes away from all the good positive joy in life, so it makes no sense to do that.  Life, if you really think about it, is so short and passes so quickly.  I want to spend my days loving and laughing, not crying and it is time to concentrate on laughter.  The best medicine after all.  :)

And mom, if there is the "World Wide Web" in heaven, and you happen to be following my blog, I felt your presence with me last night.  I felt your warmth, I felt your wisdom and above all...I felt your love.  Happy Birthday mom, I love you.

Until next time...


Welcome to Mommy plus Five

I am a work from home mom of five amazing children, and five beautiful grandchildren. Enjoying my 50's and all that life has to offer.

Time to start a new 365.

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