Tuesday, July 15, 2014

July 15, 2014

Hello Dear Family,

:Mama journal entry 2,640, star date 07152014:

Mama is not happy.  I have not been happy for a few days now, and it has nothing to do with the weather.

Being mama is the most amazing job on the planet, but it is the hardest one too.  So many compromises, negotiations, lessons, highs, lows, rock bottoms...  And it is even harder, when you are the single parent in the picture.  Yes I know, my children have a father.  He does well to provide for this family, but that is where his connection ends.  No, I am not being bitter about that, I am truly not, I am over it.  Jack is just...Jack, and he is never going to change. His contribution to this family has always been the hunter/gatherer, and it stops there.  Not because he is an idiot, but because, quite simply, it is who he is, and we have accepted that.  "We love you daddy...you simple hunter/gatherer you."  Jack is a good provider.  And quite frankly, if there is one man you want with you in a Zombie Apocalypse, Jack is that man...as are my sons, Garrett, Brandon, Casey and Blake.  Mama would not have a worry in the world!   :)

I digress...

Therein lies the dilemma.  This mama, me, for all intents and purposes, am a loving, calm, guiding spirit, until you piss me off.  Once that time and space continuum has been breached...all bets are off.  And let me go on record as saying, I seldom reside in that time and space continuum anymore. Also, let me define what I mean by "piss off."  For me, that means that my words are falling upon deaf ears, and I have had it.  It takes a lot to get me to that point.  To that universe of pissed-off-i-tude.  I have managed to avoid that space for years now.  I have been close a few times, but mostly remain that calm, steady, peaceful mama.

Today I find myself sitting squarely in the midst of this very dark, dank, and stupid space I refer to as pissed-off-i-tude .  One of my sons, who I love with all my heart, pushed the line with me and caused a thermonuclear mama explosion of doom.  *sigh*  When "Honey, it will be okay.  Let's discuss this calmly and reasonably.  You will get through this..." falls upon deaf ears, it is unfortunately the time for..."RAWRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrr!"

The problem with thermonuclear mama explosions of doom, is that they leave me feeling very disappointed in myself as a mother, and it leaves me emotionally and spiritually exhausted.  I prefer to parent with a soft voice, but sometimes boys...young men...need a roar.  They need a father.  Guess what world...I am not a father.  I am mama.  What I should do is point to the door, let them go jump off a cliff if they so desire, then right themselves again.  But that is hard for me.  I need to work on that planet.  I really, really do.  I think it is referred to in civilized society as "Letting go..."

"Casey, I love you with all my heart son.  I am sorry I raised my voice at you today, but please HEAR the words that came from my roar, and use them to grow.  And if you refuse to hear my words, and you need to take that leap off the cliff, please try to land on your feet, and not on your face."

12:17AM - *Update*  All is well on the family front.  Thank you God.  :)

That is all.

Until next time...

My 365...

I did enjoy a fun photo shoot with Blake and Dozer in the back yard this afternoon.  Our friend Dozer is getting so old that it worries me sometimes.  I know he will not be with us forever.  But when we sit on the ground and toss a ball in his direction, he is a puppy again.  :)
Where there is a boy, a dog, and a ball...there is always, happy.  


 "Where is the ball?"

Music I am listening to today...Pharrell Williams

My son Brandon messaged me a link last night, that is without question, the coolest thing I have seen on the interwebs lately.  

This *LINK* explains what 24 Hours of Happy is all about.  Click it...you will be happy that you did. Thank you Brandon!  :)

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I am a work from home mom of five amazing children, and five beautiful grandchildren. Enjoying my 50's and all that life has to offer.

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