Sunday, March 28, 2010

March 28, 2010

My 365...

Hello world. :)

I am not much of a coffee connoisseur. I do make 1/2 a pot every morning for Kori, but in my cup it is usually 3/4 milk with 1/4 coffee. I know...what a whimp.

Kori found this for me the other day, and it is my new favorite beverage of the morning! Hills Bros. Cappuccino French Vanilla. I heat a cup of milk, add a few teaspoons of the magic and mmmmm, so good! I can say goodbye "Folgers" for ever. I am breaking up with you, sorry.

And no your eyes are not deceiving you, that is a Batman mug! I have the entire set and I love them. I never drink out of anything other than glass (yes I am picky) and I LOVE my Batman mugs. Thank you McDonalds...and eBay. :)

Spring is definitely in the air. It is a bit overcast today, but there are some magnificent colors coming through in our neighborhood. This is a good thing because I am feeling a bit overcast today. :(

I have been really missing my two children who have decided that they are better than us. My son B particularly, because I do not know where he is. It is a horrible feeling not knowing if he is happy or sad, sick or well, warm and safe...or wandering the streets. I hate it and it breaks my heart for him. He did send a small message to me, so I know he is ok, but I was hoping for more! I keep praying that I will wake up one day to find him home again where he belongs so I can help him start life on the right foot. I miss all the fun we used to have together, his cooking! He was a great chef. The conversations, the laughs the video game play. I love you B, and I miss you so much!

As for my daughter, my only daughter, I miss her too. What I miss most about her is her undying love and loyalty to this her family. Unfortunately, that died with her last temper tantrum and it is a real shame because no one family could ever love her as completely and sincerely as we But she chooses to continue on this journey of hers that she is perfectly happy with. I want her to be happy, so in many ways I am fine with that. It does break my heart to hear her younger brothers talking about her in past tense, but that is through no fault of their own. She opened the door, walked through it, and locked it behind her. So be it.

I did hear from her father that she did get married, and had fun on her "mondo adventure" as she referred to it. So congratulations to her. Getting married is a big deal, a huge deal, and she did it all by herself with no family around. I find that a bit sad, but it is what she wanted so it should have been that way.

My most sincere dilemma that I fight with every day is how I feel about everything that has transpired over the last month. A mom is supposed to be all knowing, all loving, and forever forgiving and accepting of her children. If I were to be completely honest with myself and the world, I will never feel the same way about her as I have felt before. In many ways she has severed the tie to me so completely it is going to take a lot of work for me to heal. There has been a permanent break a part of which will never heal. So much of the damage done can not be undone, and that is sad. Our relationship is forever changed and not in the way it should have. We did not grow into this next milestone of her life together. A milestone so precious and so important. She broke away, experienced the next step all on her own and now stands on the other end a this huge canyon with me on the other side. I am not sure how I am supposed to catch up....or if I even can. And that is the God's honest truth.

She will start her life, have her children, and there I will be waving to them from across this huge divide that will never grow smaller. How sad. :*(

Back to the colors! Blake took these two amazing photos for me today!

And my favorite, he discovered how to give me a flower that would last forever. He said, "A flower for you mommy that will last forever just as much as I love you forever!"

Awww. thank you my baby boy, mommy loves you to infinity and beyond!

Until next time...


Welcome to Mommy plus Five

I am a work from home mom of five amazing children, and five beautiful grandchildren. Enjoying my 50's and all that life has to offer.

Time to start a new 365.

Thank you for stopping by! :)

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