Mommy plus Five

Interesting day today to say the least. It is impossible to think that within the period of a few short hours I could feel every single emotion on the spectrum of feelings, but I have.

I saw something today that my son brought to my attention that I had to do a double-take on. I read it...walked away shaking my head...came back to read again to be certain my eyes were not deceiving me...they weren't.

First the seething anger, you know that toxic anger that really serves no purpose. Then came the suffocating hurt. The "elephant sitting on your chest" hurt that in the moment you don't think you could ever possibly recover from. The shame and utter embarrassment I felt of the shallow insincere behavior of these people that everyone can see straight through. But what came next truly surprised me...

What came next was a complete and total release. Like the old windup toys that you wind and wind until you over wind and the spring suddenly releases from the tension and simply stops winding. That is where I am. A deep and much needed exhale, and the inability to be wound up ever again. And let me tell you, what a relief it is! After a month of short panting useless breaths, I was able to exhale and take a deep cleansing breath that cleared the fog, help me to let go of the sadness, confusion and anger and simply walk away.

The only thing remaining is sympathy. The reality check that will inevitably greet those who over-wound me will be brutal. The call that will eventually come either to me, or Jack, and any of my precious boys that will go un-answered without the slightest hint of remorse. I won't say "I told you so!", I will simply say nothing...for at this point there is really nothing left to say.

It is times like this that I really and truly miss mom, but am so thankful she is not here to witness any of this nonsense. It really is nonsense because I know the true character of those involved. Everyone knows, and we all find it quite pathetic and sad. Mom would agree.

Onward and upward!

I did finish my classes today and although I truly believe they were a complete waste of time, they did provide some very cool tools for me to utilize in my daily job. I am proud of me...yay!

The weather was a bit chilly, but beautiful. Casey took my photo of the day of his favorite canine and best friend Ducati and it came out perfectly, thank you Casey. And below that, a few pictures of Blakey and his new best buddy Miss Lilly. :)